There Is A "People-Pleaser" Type Of Personality, And Its Roots May Lie In Childhood Emotional Traumas

June 25, 2019

Who are people-pleasers? The so-called fawning type of people isn’t that rare. We can meet them anywhere – at work, in romantic relationships, in a circle of friends. They adjust to our own emotional state like a chameleon, expressing kindness, understanding, and compliance, and trying to satisfy our needs and expectations.

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They never protect their own boundaries or opinions. In fact, it seems like they don’t have any. They are professionals in accommodation, putting the interests of others before their own, avoiding confrontation and not speaking up their mind.

Do you recognize yourself in this description?

We tend to believe we are just friendly and selfless, but in fact, we might be the fawn type.

The roots 'people-pleasing' lie in childhood

People’s demand to satisfy others is the result of emotional trauma. As children, we depend completely on our parents’ attitude towards us. Intuitively, we aim for their love and approval thus, we do everything to earn the best possible rewards: love and the feeling that we are good.

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When we displease them, they disapprove and punish, which becomes the source of major emotional pain for the child.

Children try to avoid these negative feelings as much as possible.

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This tactic grants us happiness, as being accepted in our own social group means survival and safety.

However, having controlling, demanding parents can mess up with our self-esteem. Being constantly disapproved of makes us believe we have to try harder to feel good again. In adult life, this urge never disappears.

Such people feel guilty for being bad all the time, thus, they desperately seek a feeling of comfort and safety, while pleasing family, friends, colleagues, and professional superiors, and neglecting their own needs.

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How to stop being a people-pleaser?

  • Take a moment to think about yourself. Write down the needs and priorities you have, as well as the means for achieving them;
  • Learn to say no. Remember that it has its benefits;
  • Create your own morning mantra to lift up your spirit;
  • Set clear boundaries for yourself and write them down;
  • Seek professional help. A qualified therapist may point out the core of the problem and help you manage it.

Dependency on the constant approval of others can make people easy targets for manipulation and exploitation. That’s why it’s important to regain confidence and realize your own self-worth!

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The material in this article is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of a certified specialist.