LIFESTYLE & HEALTH

Woman Had To Return Adopted Baby Twins After Finding Out She Was Pregnant Despite Being Infertile

July 5, 2019 11:47

Motherhood isn’t always about pure joy, and the road has many bumps and potholes. For Ali Sanders, from Staffordshire, it’s been a tough battle with herself.

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For years, all she ever wanted was having kids. But after receiving the news that she and her husband Michael were both infertile, her whole world crumbled. The couple immediately applied for IFV, invasive fertility treatments, and contacted adoption agencies. They wanted to be parents no matter what.

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Just weeks after filing for adoption, they were matched with beautiful 8-month-old twin boys. Michael fell for them from the start, he felt they could be a perfect addition to the family. However, Ali confessed she didn’t feel anything towards them.

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It wasn’t like her. Neither the woman nor her husband could understand the reason why she was so detached. The decision was made, though, and after months of visiting the boys in the facility and preparing the nursery, they took them home.

The babies were perfect, and yet Ali still didn’t have any warm feelings towards them. It just didn’t seem right.

My overriding memory is of sitting there praying that the twins wouldn’t wake up, because when they did, I’d have to go back to pretending to be a mother again.

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Michael, who was concerned about his wife’s wellbeing, sent her to off to the doctor. Ali returned with unexpected news. She was pregnant. It was impossible, yet, true. The couple was shocked by such an incredible turn of events.

It turned out they could not keep the twin babies anymore. The very same day, they handed them over to the foster care.

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Ali cried a lot, she could not forgive herself for what she did. But it felt like the only right thing.

It was the last time I saw them. I cried and cried. I hadn’t expressed any emotion until then, but when they were taken from my arms for the last time, something inside me broke and I don’t think it will ever be fixed again.

The farewell was hard for all of them. Years later, having a boy of their own, whom they named Jacob, and being pregnant with their second child, the mom still blamed herself for what she did to those twins.

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They were successfully adopted later, so they were going to be in good hands. Still, it was hard now to wipe off the memories of having them at home, rocking them, pretending to be their parents.

Only years after the experience Ali understood why she felt so detached to those kids. She was already pregnant at that time and her body was telling her to reject other children for the sake of her own.

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Later, Ali Sanders shared her story in a book, "When the bough breaks."

It’s easy to judge someone who made a “wrong” decision. But was it wrong? People say it’s better to hand the babies over to people who would really love and care for them. Sometimes, listening to your heart is the only thing we can do right.

READ ALSO: Couple Adopts Abandoned Baby Who Still Had His Umbilical Cord Attached. The Family Is Thriving Today