REAL LIFE

"Mama Is Fat" Daughter's Snarky Comment Prompted A Genius Response From Her Mom

Date July 27, 2018 15:22

What would you do if your own child called you an unflattering name or disrespectfully described you without really knowing what they're saying? One mom knew exactly how to handle the situation and it turned into a very valuable lesson.

Know what you mean

Body positivity activist Allison Kimmey was spending a nice day with her children by the pool. When she called it a day and told her kids they had to go home, she was unpleasantly surprised when she heard her daughter say to her brother "mama is fat".

 

Took a couple days off social and immersed myself into my family and enjoying every single second without my📱. I don’t even have any pictures- which feels like a sin - did it even happen then if I didn’t document it?! Yes, yes it did. I have to remind myself that it’s not all a show, it’s not always a photo opp, this is life and it’s meant to be lived within the moment. It’s meant to be cherished. It’s meant to be spent with the ones you love the most. It’s meant to push you closer to God and further from the need to know and control everything. My hope is that if you haven’t had a few moments this weekend to decompress and look around you to find all the beautiful things in your life, do that now. If something is stressing you out, release it for a moment and feel the ease of trusting that everything is going to work out. If you are wondering if you are loved, you ARE. You are worthy. You are meant to be here. It will never all make sense, but there’s something I know to be certain and that is that you are on purpose. Happy Sunday babes! Just do you Xoxo Allie

Публикация от ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey)

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The little girl was so upset that she felt like taking it out on her mom, but instead of getting angry, Kimmey saw it as an opportunity for a lesson. She sat her kids down and explained why it's wrong to call someone 'fat'. Allison shared the conversation with her little ones on her personal Instagram:

The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It's not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy.

 

My daughter called me fat today. She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that mama is fat. I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat. Me: "what did you say about me?" Her: "I said you were fat, mama, im sorry" Me: "let's talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It's not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?" Her: "yes! I have some here on my tummy" Me: "that's right! So do I and so does your brother!" Her brother: "I don't have any fat, I'm the skinniest, I just have muscles" Me: "actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts." Her brother: " oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me" Me: "Yes, that's true. Some people have a lot, and others don't have very much. But that doesn't mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand? Both: "yes, mama" Me: "so can you repeat what I said" Them: "yes! I shouldn't say someone is fat because you can't be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it's okay to have different fat" Me: "exactly right!" Them: "can we go back to the pool now?" Me: no 🤣🤣 __________________ Each moment these topics come up i have to choose how I'm going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable. Since we don't call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest. Give me a 🙌🏻 if this resonated w u! Just do you! Xoxo Allie

Публикация от ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey)

Kimmey gave her children a different perspective on having extra meat on the bones and they openly accepted their mom's words. As Allison's daughter replied to her:

I shouldn't say someone is fat because you can't be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it's okay to have different fat. 

 

It’s international women’s day, and while it’s a wonderful day to acknowledge ALL women, the work continues each and every day 👏🏻Until my daughter has access to every dream she can imagine 👏🏻Until we are relieved of our role overload to be and do everything while still being the primary caretaker 👏🏻Until women can be in charge of their own bodies 👏🏻Until running like a girl is a compliment 👏🏻Until there is equal representation in media 👏🏻Until feminine emotions like empathy and compassion are praised in every human 👏🏻Until we stop having to unlearn damaging body image myths fed to us by society standards 👏🏻 Until the worst thing my son could be compared to is not a girl 👏🏻Until being pretty is no longer the rent we must pay to exist 👏🏻Until there is equal pay for equal work 👏🏻Until women make up at least 50% of executive decision and law makers 👏🏻Until we stop tearing down other women to feel better about ourselves 👏🏻Until we no longer have to worry about our safety simply existing 👏🏻Until those identifying as female are acknowledged as such 👏🏻Until there’s no more me too’s 👏🏻Until the time is over, not just up 👏🏻Until celebrating women isn’t saved for one day Let me know if you agree 👇🏽 Just do you babes! Xoxo Allie

Публикация от ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey)

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The body activist then proceeded to explain that the word 'fat' isn't forbidden in their house and she doesn't see it as a bad word. But Kimmey wants her children to have an open mind and lessen the society's bad influence on their fragile minds.

 

LET’S TALK ABOUT BOYS & BODY IMAGE! Although mass media marketing is ALWAYS telling girls and women what they should look like, do and be,it doesn’t leave our young men out of the equation either. So I want to tell you a little story: On Friday, the kids and I went over to the football field to watch practice. My son got into a water fight and ended up soaked, so he took his shirt off to let it dry. Sitting down next to me, shirtless, I asked: “Why don’t you go out in the middle of the field with your dad and help him” “I don’t want to go out without my shirt on, everyone will look at me!” “What’s wrong with that?” “I’m embarrassed about my belly.” “What about your belly?” “I don’t have abs or big muscles like the football players.” “Hmmm, well I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but can I tell you something?” “Okay” “Well first of all, it doesn’t matter what you look like, it matters that you are a good person on the inside. Every person on the planet looks a little bit different. Your body is a gift that helps you move and play and enjoy life, and you should always be proud of it!” “You’re right mama, I am” “Also, everybody has abs! But everybody’s abs look different. Some of those older boys out there have abs you can see really well, and others have abs that you can’t see, but they are still in there. Do you think it matters if you can see your abs or not?” “No mama” “Would it matter to you if you could see your friend’s abs or not?” “No, not at all because it’s about what’s on the inside” “That’s right baby! Now go on out there and be proud of your body!” And away he went. These conversations are not just for our girls, they are for our boys. Gone are the days when boys and men are just supposed to stop feeling, “suck it up” and become hard to life’s demands. There’s a quote from Gloria Steinem: “We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” It is time. Just do you babes Xoxo Allie

Публикация от ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey)

Allison offered her point of view on the topic:

If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable. 

 

My daughter threw away her Curvy Barbie. M:"Cambelle!" C:"What mama?" M:"Did you throw away this barbie?" C:"Um. Yes." M:"Okay. Can you tell me why you threw away one of your perfectly good toys?" C:"Because I don't like her. " M:"What do you mean you don't like her?" C:"Her arms aren't right. Her legs are too big. She doesn't look like my other barbies. And she doesn't fit into any of the clothes except this one outfit." I paused. I was speechless. I honestly felt some tears start welling in my eyes. I related to this inanimate object. It was as if curvy barbie's life was a reflection of the way I felt for SO long being a plus size woman in a thin woman's world. I always felt like my arms weren't right, my legs were big, and anywhere I went, nothing fit. For a very long time I allowed those perceptions and the constricts of society make me feel as if I was the trash. Much like myself, Curvy barbie is still living in a thin barbie world. M:"How do you think barbie feels now that you put her in the trash? Was that a very nice thing to do?" C:"I think she feels sad and crying." M:"Just because her body is different, does that mean that she is wrong?" C:"No, mama. Because she has more fat. And it's okay to have fat." M:"And just because the clothes don't fit her right, does that mean she shouldn't be able to play with the other barbies?" C:"No mama. We have to be kind to everyone." M:"Do you have friends that look different than you?" C:"Yes, mama. Some have skinny legs and other girls like me have legs that touch." M:"Okay, we'll leave that discussion for another time. Do you think that you could wash her off and find her something to wear?" C:"Yes, mama." I go deeper into this conversation on my blog (link in profile). But for now I will leave you with this: each time I am put in a position where I can ignore these early signs for body image issues and pass them off as "oh she's just a kid playing with her barbies, maybe she really just doesn't like this one, it doesn't REALLY matter" OR I can make a conscious effort to help her dissect how she's feeling, allow her to explain her discomfort, and give her a new loving perspective. Just do you! Xoxo Allie

Публикация от ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey)

What do you think about Allison Kimmey's lesson to her children? Do you agree with her perspective? 

Having children is the biggest gift of life. It is essential to give them the happiest childhood. Here is one more powerful story to prove that.

Enjoy!

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